Directed by: Adam Gierasch
Starring: Michael Bowen, Jenette Goldstein, Robert La Sardo, Ross McCall, Robert Patrick
Robert Patrick wonders why his agent hates him
The After Dark Horrorfest: 8 Films to Die For movies and I have a love/hate relationship. Each year a new batch comes out and I, in my never ending optimism (and apparent short term memory of the previous years), discovers yet again, that they are the film equivalent of Russian Roulette, with at least one of those fuckers proving to be deadly. For the first two years of the Horrorfest’s three year existence, I would willingly go out and buy all 8 of the movies.
Each year, I would discover that some films were surprisingly good and some felt like filler, not bad per se, but definitely straddling the cusp of mediocre. Inevitably, I found that the harmony of this good to blah ratio, would be destroyed by movies so bad, that I would almost immediately jettison them from my collection in case their failure harbored some sort of contagion to the rest of my DVDs (considering that I still have 2001 Maniacs, this shows you how low my standards are).
This year I made the decision to forgo the annual binge and purge and I threw them all in my Netflix queue to see which films were worthy of a buy and which ones would have been out of my collection as fast as I could drive to my local Movie Stop. Autopsy is one of the latter.
The basic premise focuses around a group of friends who are heading home from Mardi Gras, when they get into a car accident on a deserted Louisiana road. An ambulance appears and takes them to Mercy Hospital, which is operating on a skeleton crew “since Katrina.” In the grand tradition of horror movies, death and dismemberment occur and the body count stacks up as expected.
At first, I thought that the movie was purposely going for campy (which usually I enjoy). The lighting was oddly done with the effect leaning more towards funhouse then hospital and one scene went so grossly overboard with thunder and lightning it was akin to being on the Haunted Mansion Ride at Disney World. As the thinly veiled plot progressed, even the gore couldn’t save what rapidly went from being fun and campy to insipidly annoying. The character development was non existent and I found myself rooting for Robert Patrick’s character just because I felt bad for him being in this movie.
What confused me most about Autopsy was that it was touted by those who saw it in the theaters as one of the best out of this year’s offerings. Perhaps this one came with a 2 drink minimum, since after seeing Dying Breed, I am assured that Autopsy was not the best that this year’s Horrorfest had to offer.