(out of 4)

Last year's Halloween Horror Nights was better.

Using a numerology gimmick in the style of The Number 23, Darren Lynn Bousman’s supernatural thriller 11-11-11 comes across as a sloppy, rushed mishmash of various other horror movies before presenting a M. Night Shyamalan-inspired ending that, truth be told, I kinda liked. But to get there, we have to get through silly dialogue, bizarre editing choices, and so-called demons straight out of the cheesiest haunted house ride this side of Halloween Horror Nights. I appreciate that Bousman wanted to move away from his torture porn trilogy of Saw 2/3/4, but he isn’t ready to deliver this kind of slow-burning supernatural thriller, which seems chaotic even though not much happens in the first two-thirds of the running time, the film barely crawling its way out of the quicksand of preposterous plot developments, excessive exposition, washed-out colors, and scenes derivative of much better films. Still, this isn’t anywhere as disagreeable as reviews suggest; there’s something interesting going on here, even though we’re all aware that the only reason this movie exists in the first place is to take advantage of the then-approaching date of November 11, 2011.

Um, you said that haunted house actors wouldn't touch!

11-11-11 concerns a highly successful fiction novelist named Joseph Crone (a stiff Timothy Gibbs) who lost his wife and son in a fire started by one of his crazed fans. Having lost his faith in God and religion, he is summoned to Barcelona by his priest-brother Samuel (Michael Landes) to see his dying father, who speaks ominously (“They’re coming for you!”). It doesn’t help that Joseph starts seeing demons everywhere, like Jacob’s Ladder but without the frightening parts. There’s also the numerous appearances of the number 11, or 11-11. Samuel’s security system seems to capture strange ghostly images that show up every night around 11:11pm (Isn’t that really 23:11? Never mind). Soon, Joseph becomes convinced that he has been chosen to protect Samuel from harm, believing that his brother may be some kind of savior of humanity.

7 + 1 + 3 = 11 !! I get it! Brilliant !!

The movie makes references to the 11:11 phenomenon and various groups dedicated to the idea that the number 11 has major significance and portends an otherworldly spiritual connection. Bousman also makes references to The Shining (there’s a hedge-maze and an ending set in a spooky Spanish mansion which evokes Wendy’s run through the Overlook – even the music seems stolen), The Seventh Sign, The Omen, Lost Souls, Rosemary’s Baby – you name it. There’s not too much original here, in other words, but I did like how Bousman seems to be commenting on how people can misinterpret signs. Of course, Joseph can’t be blamed for misinterpreting his signs – without trying to ruin the ending, I’ll humbly ask why the angels in the film look and act the way they do, without offering any clear messages that the receiver might interpret properly. When the credits roll, you might ask why they even bothered, since they seem to have done more harm than good. But I digress.

The wrong way to repair a light fixture.

Dialogue is overly expository and redundant. Joseph questions his faith out loud and uses variations of “maybe I’m just crazy” too many times for comfort. There’s also something very funny about how the characters sound when they speak “11-11-11″ over and over again. Most of the film seems rushed, especially in the way scenes are edited together, in what I can only describe as some sort of cut-up method. For example, the camera is on a person and suddenly there is an abrupt change to that person in a different position, maybe in the next room (as if frames of the film were cut out). This confusing editing style ruins the slow-buildup that the movie intends to perform leading to the final act. I also got a feeling that important things were left out (especially concerning Wendy Glenn’s character Sadie, who doesn’t get enough screen time). A scene with a character collecting photos and singling out one in particular leads you to believe that there’s something important about that photo, but we are never shown it. Finally, the monsters – not shown in clear detail – range from ok-looking to laugh-inducing.

"Yeah, but I've already seen Paranormal Activity."

It seems like I’m trashing 11-11-11, but there are still aspects of it I enjoyed, probably because I liked the supernatural joke played on our main character at the end, who finds himself “chosen” in the way Samantha from The House of the Devil found herself chosen. The scenes in Barcelona, Spain help with the atmosphere a bit, and I liked Michael Landes’ performance. There’s also a nice sequence where Joseph lights up a room with his laptop, using the desktop wallpaper of his deceased wife and son. That Bousman has talent is clear (his three entries in the Saw series are the high point of that franchise). It’s just too bad that overall, the movie feels like a cynical cash grab to capitalize on a date. If you listen to Bousman’s commentary on the DVD, about how he had trouble getting finishing funds as well as having an unfinished cut leaking to the internet, you get an idea about how messy the whole process must have been. Ironically, he gets the idea that he should have thrown in more jump scares – I think he should have slowed down further, letting the camera stay still longer. Instead of 11-11-11, which, lets face it, was already out of date on 11/12, I would suggest The Shrine – a similar (better) film about how our prejudices cause us to misinterpret events.

By the way, do not confuse this movie with the Asylum ripoff 11/11/11. (I hear you’ll regret it if you do, big time).

- Bill Gordon

A religion centered around trees? Is he Rastafarian?

J. LaRose disappointed in his online fan club.

1/2 (out of 4)

The 1980s were exactly like this.

Stefan Crosscoe: “This type of bullet killed your sister. Unfortunately, they were removed during the autopsy and as a result, she can never rest in peace. Notice anything about them?”
Ben White: “They’re silver.”
Stefan Crosscoe: “Yes. Do you know what that means? This type of bullet, Mr. White, means your sister … is a werewolf.”

You know something is wrong when a movie has its characters repeating its title in dialogue, as if the audience needed to be reminded: “Ah yes, that’s why this movie is called Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf! I had forgotten!” (It reminds me of the time when Sylvester Stallone exclaimed “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot“) Anyway, this sequel to Joe Dante’s film The Howling concerns the brother (Reb Brown) of Karen White (from the first film) discovering that werewolves exist, then taking his new girlfriend/TV reporter Jenny (Annie McEnroe) along with werewolf hunter Stefan (Christopher Lee) to Transylvania to put an end to the reign of Stirba (Sybil Danning), queen of the werewolves. By the way, the original title of this film was Howling II: Stirba, Werewolf Bitch. In my opinion, they should have stuck with that.

Unfortunately, no one can be told what Howling 2 is. You have to see it for yourself.

You guys ever seen "Horror of Dracula"? It's Awesome...

Howling II – Your Sister Is a Werewolf is horrendous, inept, amazingly bad. It also oozes sleaze and is full of werewolf orgies, and yet those are hilarious also, strangely devoid of eroticism. Before the opening credits even roll, we are treated to a shot of the great Christoper Lee superimposed over a star-screen (think: cheesy opening of Dune), reading from the book of Revelation, while a classroom skeleton model just sorta hangs out next to him. Then we’re at Karen’s funeral, where we are treated to a (visibly breathing) corpse that looks nothing like Dee Wallace, not even close. Then Lee’s character Stefan shows up and tells her brother Ben that his sister is a werewolf. Ben doesn’t believe it but Karen’s colleague (and Ben’s love interest) Jenny does, for reasons unknown. Also, for reasons unknown to me, Jenny wears a dress shirt, vest, and tie, and sports a boy’s haircut. It must be the 80s. The best part is the actor portraying Ben – none other than Reb Brown, Mr. Big McLargeHuge himself, as seen in many wondrous films like Sssssss, Captain America, Yor, The Hunter From The Future, Robowar, and the unforgettable MST3K favorite Space Mutiny. In case you’ve never heard of Reb Brown, just know that his signature move is yelling like a banshee before shooting something. Your training in trash cinema is not complete until you experience his particular brand of badness.

We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese!

This may happen to you after watching Howling II

After showing Ben the tape of somebody who looks nothing like Dee Wallace turning into a werewolf and then getting shot on the TV news (which apparently had no repercussions – TV viewers being a fickle lot), Stefan tries to put Karen down for good, but not before Ben sees the truth about the existence of werewolves. He and Jenny agree to accompany Stefan to Transylvania, so he can eliminate the werewolf clan run by Stirba, a sorceress who enjoys ripping off her clothes to reveal her ample bosoms. In fact, the movie is so fond of Sybil Danning’s breasts that it shows them during the end credits no less than 17 times (well, they are impressive). Helping out Sybil is Mariana (Marsha Hunt – mother of Mick Jagger’s daughter, inspiration for “Brown Sugar”, and Lee’s costar in Dracula AD 1972), Vlad (Jimmy Smits lookalike Judd Omen, whom you might have seen in Pee-wee’s Big Adventure), and a coven of ineffectual lycanthropes, young and old, who like to hang out and rub on one another like they’re attending some kind of MDMA party.

Howling 2 features cutting edge special effects.

Enough booze and coke and your party might look like this.

The trio visit the village of Vlkava, which wasn’t shot in Transylvania at all but Prague. They hook up with a few helpful villagers, including a dwarf named Vasile (Jirí Krytinár) who knows how to take out werewolves when he needs to. (A scene where he kills a guard had me thinking he would have made a good Leprechaun). After Ben and Jenny settle into room 666 (!) Stefan helps arm them with specially-blessed earplugs (so Stirba’s evil howling won’t cause their eyes to explode – don’t ask) and titanium bullets (because silver doesn’t work against these werewolves – only titanium, which is strange because isn’t titanium less rare than silver? Whatever.) Throughout the film you’ll notice certain things, like werewolves being killed by stakes through the heart, a woman swinging garlic around, and the use of holy water. As you all know, these things are all effective against vampires, not werewolves, but really, who gives a crap, right? Because Sybil Danning’s boobs are in this!

Two reasons to watch Howling II.

The editing on Howling 2 is hyperactive (for the time). Scenes are interrupted with quick cuts to other scenes that have already occurred or inexplicable images with no context. Comic book wipes abound. Special effects are anything but – there is no impressive werewolf transformation like in the first film or An American Werewolf in London. The best this film can do is a quick shot of growing teeth/hair or – my favorite bit – a werewolf threesome involving Danning, Hunt, and Omen, where they just sorta glue fur onto themselves and hiss at one another like cats. Then Danning is seen walking around in various dominatrix outfits (sometimes wearing aviator glasses), spewing out gobbledygook and exhibiting the kind of facial expressions you might see on an asylum inmate or street junkie. Sexy? Hardly. Hilarious? You bet. Reb Brown is always amusing with his constantly-confused look, sometimes punctuated by his screams and gunshots. His dialogue with McEnroe’s character is so awkward and sluggish I guessed they were smoking something obtained from a traveling gypsy. The only one who emerges (barely) unscathed is Christopher Lee, a consummate professional no matter what the gig (Lee would later apologize to Joe Dante for appearing in this film).

Sybil is talking to her stuffed animals again.

I'm ready for my closeup now!

Howling 2 plays out like a cheesy music video, straight out of mid 80s MTV. In that regard, it’s a great time capsule. There’s a new wave band (led by Stephen Parsons) that never lets up, (“In the pale pale light of the moonglow/I’ve got a hunger that’s in motion/A hunger that I can’t control/I’m alone now in my room again/On the prowl now, through your dreams again/Howling“). Director Philippe Mora seems to like the song so much, he features the band in the beginning, middle, and end of the movie. In that club scene, Lee shows up to keep tabs on a werewolf and somebody places sunglasses on him. No reason for this at all, but I figured this club was so cool that wearing shades was mandatory. This trainwreck can be counted among one of the worst sequels ever made; it’s also a well-treasured cult item, and for good reason. Like similar entries in the pantheon of cheese cinema, it’s impossible to hate. Whatever can be said about it (and lots can be said), the movie is never boring. Mora, who also presided over The Beast Within (a movie I kinda like), has said that he originally wanted Howling 2 to be a comedy but producers messed with it. I’m not sure I believe that story, but he’s right about the film being a comedy.

- Bill Gordon

To his relief, Christopher Lee is beamed out of the film.

And now, young Skywalker, you will die...

(out of 4)

I don’t own many posters anymore, but I still have and cherish the rare one for Friday the 13th Part 8 – Jason Takes Manhattan, which features the well-known “I Love NY” logo breaking apart as Jason slices through it with a knife. That famous logo with the red heart and American Typewriter font was created by Milton Glaser in the 1970s; the state of New York has a trademark on it which it protects at all costs. When the New York Tourism Committee threatened to sue Paramount for use of the logo, the company pulled the poster quickly.

Marketing for Jason Takes Manhattan also includes this amusing trailer, which uses the theme from New York, New York mixed with a romantic saxophone riff; the mysterious figure taking in the sights of the city is revealed to be Jason himself, as the narrator exclaims “Now, New York has a new problem.”

That’s good stuff. Oh yeah, about the movie itself – it sucks. Friday the 13th Part 8 may get the crown for the most misleading title ever – it’s over an hour into the film before Jason Voorhees (Kane Hodder) or anyone else even makes it to Manhattan, and then we mostly get shots inside a subway train, harbor, and dark alleys which could be filmed anywhere (and IMDB suggests they were – Los Angeles and Vancouver). So you could say Jason is never given a chance to take Manhattan until we witness the shot of him in Times Square – a good 85 minutes into the movie (and about 10 minutes before the end). If Paramount wasn’t going to allocate enough budget to actually fulfill the title’s promise, it shouldn’t have bothered at all. So no, Jason never really takes Manhattan, but he sure does take a very nice cruise vacation for most of the running time, and why not? After seven films, he deserves a break.

In an emergency, Jason Voorhees can also function as an anchor.

Now I may be a little slow, but I remember Camp Crystal Lake being fairly small and landlocked. Apparently I was wrong – writer/director Rob Hedden says that Crystal Lake feeds into a channel that somehow leads, eventually, to Upper New York Bay. That’s just the first in a long line of ridiculous assumptions made by Friday the 13th Part 8. The only time I noticed any real continuity was at the beginning when we find Jason exactly where Tina Shepard left him – underneath the collapsed dock (remember, in the Friday films nobody believes in collecting bodies from the lake). But how was Tina to know that there is a massive 3000V cable on the lake bottom (wow, that’s safe), and a boat’s anchor would tear it, and Jason would be electrocuted back to life? That’s exactly what happens, and Jason isn’t even awake for 5 minutes before dispatching two meatbags, stealing their brand new hockey mask that was just lying around, and hitching a ride over to the SS Lazarus, a cruise ship bound for NYC containing the senior class of Lakeview High (wow, again! For my senior trip, I went to Disney’s Pleasure Island by bus). Again, I must ask why a zombie killer sworn to haunting the woods near Crystal Lake suddenly decides to stow away on a cruise ship bound for the Big Apple. No matter – soon the ship is underway and Jason is free to roam, picking off victims in the same way you might hit the buffet on the Royal Caribbean.

In between kills, Jason will gladly keep the water bucket full and the steam sufficient.

At the center of this is Captain’s kid Sean (Scott Reeves), his disturbed girlfriend Rennie (Jensen Daggett), and her little dog, too. Chaperoning is Rennie’s uncle and biology teacher Charles McCulloch (Peter Mark Richman, really good at playing an asshole) and Rennie’s teacher Colleen Van Deusen (Barbara Bingham). There’s also your regular assortment of stock characters – prom queen bitch, nerdy girl, black athlete, A/V geek… none of who are very interesting since they are all rehashed from other Friday the 13th characters. In fact, you can almost draw a direct line from this movie’s characters and subplots to those of Part 7: manipulative rich girl (Sharlene Martin, played last time by Susan Jennifer Sullivan), geeky guy (Martin Cummins, played last time by Jeff Bennett), jerk authority figure (Peter Mark Richman, played last time by Terry Kiser), and unstable but likable final girl Rennie who has visions of the killer (Jensen Daggett, filling in for Lar Park-Lincoln). In fact, Rennie has a history of being attacked by a young Jason at the lake, which makes her character similar to Dana Kimmell’s in Part 3. Oh yeah, don’t forget the Prophet of Doom/Ralph stand-in Alex Diakun, saying stuff like “This ship is doomed!” and “You’re all gonna die!” The guy’s right – pretty soon the SS Lazarus is going the way of the RMS Titanic, but not before a few survivors make it into the lifeboat bound for New York Harbor.

Jason promptly tries out for a spot on the Rangers.

Things pick up slightly as Jason follows everybody to the city and gives chase, taking out random New Yorkers who get in his way. This includes some junkies, a cop, and a sanitation worker who helpfully informs our heroes that the sewers in Manhattan flood with toxic waste every night at midnight. Yes, you heard that right – NYC is such a cesspool that the whole place is just one big toxic waste dump. Of course, our gang is immediately assaulted by punks as soon as they make it ashore, who kidnap Rennie and inject her with heroin before Jason takes them out with the same needle (an attempted rape interrupted by a symbolic one?) By the way, Rennie is a real trooper – dealing with Jason Voorhees, dealing with muggers, even being shot up with dope and not even being affected by it! The funniest scenes in Jason Takes Manhattan involve Jason chasing away some punks by merely lifting up his mask, and another funny bit where he punches a junior boxer’s head clean off. Here’s this huge, decaying, mass of flesh in a mask chasing people down the street and in subway cars and nobody bats an eye. Rennie’s plea to a waitress “There’s a maniac trying to kill us!” is answered with the deadpan “Welcome to New York.” Haha, get it? Because New York sucks!

Jason plans an Empire State Building visit and then it's off to a Broadway show!

Everything else about Friday the 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan is a disappointment. Characters are discarded on a whim, Jason’s teleporting abilities since Part 7 have improved tremendously (one moment he’s in front of someone, exactly one second later he’s behind them – does he have a clone?), hardly any Manhattan landmarks are utilized, the scenes on the ship are extremely tedious, gore is slight, and the way Jason meets his end is equal parts hilarious and unbelievable (but I suppose it fits in with the idea that at his core Jason is still just a child). Rennie’s own drowning backstory was probably meant to give her some kind of connection to the drowning boy Jason, but it doesn’t work in practice, as was the overall idea that Jason could become an avenging avatar walking around the city, cleaning the scum from the streets like Paul Kersey and Travis Bickle would have wanted. The movie is a perfect example of missed opportunities, and on top of that there’s no tension, logic, or believability, even for a Friday film. “Take Manhattan.” Yeah, right. It’s time for Jason and the franchise to take a hiatus.

- Bill Gordon

He stayed on the M too long and ended up taking Queens instead.

After 8 movies and decreasing box office take, Paramount finally had enough, and sold the franchise to New Line Cinema. 4 years later, New Line would send Jason to hell, but that’s a story for another day. Bonus trivia: This is Kelly Hu’s first movie, in the fine tradition of actors cutting their teeth in horror (Kevin Bacon, Johnny Depp). Also watch for Ken Kirzinger playing a cook that Jason tosses against the wall of a diner. Kirzinger would later play Jason himself in Freddy vs Jason. By the way, I’m a sucker for the theme music “Darkest Side of the Night” by Metropolis – just another aspect of the production cooler than the final product itself:

Lots of horror comedy movies don’t work out – they can’t mix the proper balance of horror and laughs. But we think we found a few films that do it well. So we now present to you our list of the 10 best horror comedy movies. This list covers the intentional horror-comedy crossovers (so films like Troll 2 are left out). We have decided to leave off the spoofs (which are almost all comedy/slapstick humor) – like the Scary Movie franchise, Student Bodies, Saturday the 14th, etc (we’re saving those for another list). In the meantime, prepare to laugh and be scared with our list of 10 best horror comedy movies. (Oh yeah – we went back and forth with putting Ghostbusters in the list – in the end we decided that it’s more of a fantasy comedy than horror comedy… not that Ghostbusters doesn’t kick major ass, mind you).

Corey Haim Forever!

This is why you should clean your ears every day.

Frank Henenlotter’s Basket Case definitely had its moments, but he next film Brain Damage is something to behold. It’s got plenty of gore (as to be expected) but it also has a wicked villain – he’s a little worm/brain parasite named Aylmer who gets a guy named Brian (Rick Hearst) addicted to a narcotic substance that his body manufactures naturally. The good news is that Brian gets the best highs in his life. The bad news is that Aylmer has to eat, so he makes Brian take him out every night for “food.” The best part is the voice of Aylmer – John Zacherle, who was a famous horror host in the 1950s and created the novelty tune Dinner With Drac, which was a hit. His voice is really old-timey and pleasant, which is completely at odds with the monster we see on the screen. There’s also some gross-out gags, like the blow-job gag which is hilarious and nasty at the same time. We want to call Brain Damage Henenlotter’s funniest movie, but we haven’t yet seen Frankenhooker, which we have heard is off the charts.

Hark! The herald gremlins kill!

Zombieland: Kids Get Eaten Free

A coming of age, boy meets girl type of movie. That takes place during the zombie apocalypse. After a mutated strain of mad cow disease turns almost everybody into the walking dead, a kid from Columbus, Ohio (Jesse Eisenberg) hooks up with a guy from Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), who has a holy quest to locate the last batch of Twinkies on the planet. They hook up with surviving sisters (Emma Stone, Abigail Breslin) and then make their way towards the Pacific Playland amusement park. On the way they meet Bill Murray, who before dying expresses regret at doing the movie Garfield. With funny zombies, funny deaths, a babe, and an informative zombie rulebook, Zombieland is the lighter side of the apocalypse. Review here.

Doc's first time delivering a werewolf baby.

Keep Reading – Entrires 1 Through 5

Coming up with a list of the top 10 worst sequels in horror cinema is even more difficult than coming up with a list of the best, because there are so many more of them – both released for theaters and on DVD/VHS – and lots of them are equally bad, making it a tall order to properly rank them. Indeed, we could have covered the Slumber Party Massacre series, Leprechaun series, Children of the Corn, Sleepaway Camp, Hellraiser, etc. But, to tell the truth, we haven’t seen all of these sequels, and anyway if Leprechaun 4 – In Space sucked should you really be surprised? So what we tried to do is create a list that was a combination of films that were extreme disappointments in comparison to what came before, or movies that were straight out goddawful – so bad that they had to be here. Diversity was the key.

Oh, also we tried to gage filmmaker intention, too. So we left off items like C.H.U.D. II: Bud the CHUD (an obvious comedy), The Hills Have Eyes, Part 2 (Wes Craven’s sequel doesn’t even really count as horror, does it?), and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre – The Next Generation (which is admittedly bad, but if you read it a certain way, it looks like director Kim Henkel’s deconstruction of horror sequels. Yes, it’s possible that Texas Chainsaw 4 is a subversive black comedy, but we’ll save the dissertation for another time).

Anyway, here are:

The Top 10 Worst Sequels In Horror Cinema

10. Friday the 13th, Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

Start spreadin the slash

OK, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday is pretty bad, but it helps make up for its ridiculous plot by inserting sex, nudity, and extreme gore. But Part 8 is a disapointment on just about every level. Jason doesn’t make it to Manhattan until the last 30 minutes of the movie. Before we even get to New York, we are practically bored to death as the action centers on a boat sailing from Crystal Lake to New York Harbor (yeah, go figure that one out!) The murders, with the exception of a funny scene where Jason punches a dude’s head off, are mundane and unimaginative. The ending is completely nonsensical and depends on the idea that New York City washes its sewers with toxic waste every night at midnight! We know there’s a lot of crime and filth in NYC but to suggest that the city has barrels of toxic waste just lying around and that a hulking monster/zombie could just walk down 42nd street without being noticed is beyond absurd. The real toxic waste is any remaining copy of this film. Read our review here.

9. Halloween – Resurrection (2002)

Back up in your ass with the resurrection

One film too many. Halloween H20 helped wash away the memories of previous sequels. But Halloween 8 aka Halloween: Resurrection brings Michael Myers back to life in the most unbelievable way possible, then kills off Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis’ final appearance in the series) right at the beginning. Great idea, Rick Rosenthal – killing off your best character right away. In her place steps a bunch of college idiots set up in the Myers house and put on some kind of internet feed. The whole thing is run by Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks and it’s called “Dangertainment.” Everybody’s got cameras on them, because the filmmakers want to make some coment on reality shows, even though we have no idea what they are trying to say. This is the kind of movie where girls will scream because of a false scare, and everybody will hear them and come running. But when Myers kills somebody who is screaming their head off nobody hears a damn thing. The funniest scene is probably the one where Busta Rhymes reads Michael Myers the riot act, and Myers shamefully walks away. What the hell? A stupid droning soundtrack underlies every scene. Face it, for Jason and Michael, #8 means bad news.

8. Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)

Side effects of watching Exorcist II

The bedbug problem reaches Georgetown

The demon that possessed poor Regan from the first film is back and he’s got a name – Pazuzu. (If you say it a few times very fast, it sounds funny). This film is an overwrought, heavy-handed mess from John Boorman, who would love to be remembered for Deliverance but probably will be remembered for this film and Zardoz. Don’t watch Exorcist II unless you like watching horrible acting from Linda Blair and Richard Burton, some nonsense involving locusts, and interminable, silly scenes in a psychologist’s office where Blair straps on a contraption to her head and lets her shrink (Louise Fletcher!) see what she sees. Yeah, that technology was available in the 70s, sure was! And Burton – Jesus Christ, how could he say the lines he’s given with a straight face? To add insult, the movie is so concerned with Father Merrin that it makes no mention at all of Father Karras, as if he had nothing to do with the first film at all. Exorcist II was such a disappointment that on opening night the audience at a theatre on Hollywood Blvd actually threw things at the screen to express their disgust.

7. Freddy’s Dead – The Final Nightmare (1991)

Message for the viewing audience

Trust us, they don't help.

Horrendous sequel that must be seen to be believed. Filled with stupid cameos from Tom Arnold, Rosanne Barr, and Alice Cooper, it suggests that Lisa Zane is Freddy’s long lost daughter and also suggests that Freddy can’t leave Springwood without her. There’s also the “dream demons” who give Freddy his power. Whatever. Making the ending sequence in 3D (and featuring a character who actually puts on 3D glasses) is quite possibly the dumbest thing we have ever seen. Don’t forget the kill scene where Freddy puts a victim inside a video game – in the “real” world he bounces up and down with a sound-effect “boing boing” sequence. We’ve come a long way since Part 1 – and it’s down, way down.

6. Howling II – Your Sister Is a Werewolf (1985)

This is exactly how we remember the 80s, actually.

Another Saturday night at Stirba's place.

Howling 2 is a huge piece of manure and unmistakable 80s cheese to boot. Ignoring everything good about the Joe Dante original, this movie focuses on a werewolf hunter (played by Christopher Lee, the poor guy!) who traces the werewolves to Transylvania where they are ruled by some crazy werewolf sorceress named Stirba (Sybil Danning). It starts off with Lee reading some nonsense from a book with stars projected behind him along with a skeleton. (?) You get to see many shots of Sybil’s boobage (which is looped over and over during the end credits), horrible dialogue, cheesy effects, a goofy so-called werewolf threesome that really just consists of nude hairy people hissing at each other like cats, bottom-of-the-barrel acting, and the funniest 80s new wave band performance since the musical numbers in Night Train To Terror. It also gets mighty confused about werewolf lore, treating them like vampires (stake through heart, garlic, holy water, etc), and tells us that silver bullets don’t work – they must be titanium! Oh, bonus: Reb Brown (Space Mutiny) plays the guy whose sister is the werewolf. Reb freakin’ Brown. After all this, the movie is still strangely watchable, but probably because of Sybil’s boobs and her bizarre costumes. Reviewed here.

Click Here For Entries 1 Through 5

10. Army of Darkness (1992)

The third entry in Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead series picks up where Evil Dead II left off, with Ash (Bruce Campbell) stuck in 1300 AD. More of a fantasy/comedy than horror, this movie has Ash dealing with warring kingdoms, fair maidens, his own evil doppleganger, and legions of the “deadites.” When Ash treks to find the Necronomicon, he mispeaks the words he’s supposed to say (lifted from The Day the Earth Stood Still) and all hell breaks loose. Army of Darkness showcases Raimi’s talent for interesting camera movements and Bruce Campbell’s talent for comedy – a lot of it slapstick in the tradition of the Three Stooges. The movie unfolds like a cartoon – a funny one at that.

9. The Exorcist III (1990)

Exorcist III is a good horror sequel, but then Exorcist II: The Heretic was hated by so many that anything had to be a step up. (We’ll have to rewatch Exorcist II again to see if it’s “badness” holds up). Anyway, the third movie has some creepy and effective scenes, and good performances from George C Scott and Bard Dourif. A string of horrifying murders leads Scott’s Detective Kinderman to a man in an institution who claims to be the long-dead Gemini killer (Brad Dourif) but who looks a lot like Father Karras (Jason Miller, returning from the original film). The Scott/Dourif interaction is good, along with bizarre dream sequences and disturbing murders with a pair of shears.

8. Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)

This horror sequel outdoes the original in terms of gore and bizarre imagery. After the carnage of the first movie, a crazy surgeon brings one of his crazy patients into a room, sits him down on the mattress that Julia originally died on, then gives him a razor. The result is not pleasant. After that extremely disturbing and bloody sequence, the doc and now-resurrected Julia get a mute girl (Imogen Boorman) to open up the box, and everybody goes to Hell to meet “Leviathan”, Lord of the Labryinth. Over the top and overflowing with multiple plot strands, this one must be seen to be believed and permanently established Pinhead as a horror icon alongside Freddy, Jason, and Michael Myers.

7. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)

Still arguably the best of the Friday sequels, because it has funny characters (like Crispin Glover), decent gore and makeup effects (Jason’s date with the machete at the end especially), and moves at a good pace thanks to Joseph Zito (he did Chuck Norris movies like Missing in Action and also The Prowler). It also introduces Tommy Jarvis into the mythology and has a decent performance from Kimberly Beck who plays the “final girl”. Famous for its closing shot of Tommy, suggesting he may be the next killer (touched upon in Part V but discarded in Part VI). Read our review here.

6. Blade II (2002)

Definitely among the best horror sequels, Blade 2 is not necessarily better than the first, but just as good – it’s a different style, thanks to Guillermo del Toro, who introduces us to the “Blood Pack”, a group of vampire assassins originally meant to kill Blade, but now he teams up with them to defeat an enemy of mutated vampires who have declared war on all “regular” vampires, not just humans. Good action scenes (including some wrestling moves), humor, and it’s nice to see the return of Whistler as well as the addition of Ron Perlman. The new breed of vampires – the Reapers – are nasty, nasty creatures. Norman Reedus plays Blade’s weasly assistant Scud – some nice interplay between him and Whistler.

Click Here For Entries 1 Through 5

The rise of “teen wolf” culture in the United States (basically Twilight-lovers who dress goth, wear tails, fangs, and contact lenses) seems harmless enough. But there is one infamous “werewolf” who has been tied to the subculture that seems a bit more dangerous. The threat, however, seems directed at pets, not people.

We are talking about the case of Wolfie Blackheart, real name Sarah Rodriguez. She’s 18 years of age and lives with her mom in San Antonio, Texas. She’s infamous because a few months ago, a photograph leaked out which was taken in her house – the photo is that of a severed dog head, as seen here:

The story, according to My San Antonio, goes like this: “Wolfie” was informed of a dead dog, said to have been hit by a car. The dog had gone missing from its owners’ backyard for a few weeks at this time. So Wolfie goes out to retrieve it, takes it home, cuts its head off, boils the head, and then ends up with a nice dog skull as her trophy.

And it sounds like she’s done this before. Listen to her quotes:

“People make the mistake of hacking the spine, which will fracture the skull. You also have to put (the head) outside for the brains to leak out.”

The photo of the dog head, taken by somebody else, ended up on the internet, and that spawned an animal cruelty investigation by Animal Care Services and the San Antonio police. Protesting that she is simply interested in taxidermy, Wolfie said “I would never kill a canine. I am a canine.” and “I would be more likely to hurt a human than a dog anyday.”

Cops investigated her bedroom, a place decorated with anime and wolf posters, and cleaned skulls of a boar, ram, and coyote. Says Wolfie’s mom: “Wolfie does have a bloody refrigerator, but they’re all dead animals.” The body of Rigsby the dog was not found.

Wolfie’s mother Lisa Rodriguez doesn’t seem to have a problem with any of this, as long as her daughter doesn’t sever any animal heads in front of her. Take it to the woods! Wolfie dropped out of high school early, and also has a bit of a criminal history, involving carrying of weapons on school campus (a skinning knife), a burglary accusation, and an animal mutilation charge.

Wolfie has Tourette’s syndrome, which causes her to yip, a result of head trauma suffered in a car crash about a decade ago, her mother said. And she’s into a lifestyle that involves bondage, which necessitates a dog collar. “The collar means I belong to someone. It’s not a fashion statement.” She’s also a member of a wolf pack. “I’m a wolf, and I have a group of other friends who are canines.

Says mom: Wolfie would never harm an animal. She likes road kill.

Wolfie's skull collection.

Wolfie in a Harry Potter shirt, which sorta dilutes her street cred.

Supports of Rigsby the dog have set up a website and Facebook page. Wolfie has her own Facebook profile and a fan page, too.