The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies (1964)
Directed by: Ray Dennis Steckler
Starring: Ray Dennis Steckler, Carolyn Brandt, Brett O’Hara, Atlas King, Sharon Walsh, Erina Enyo, Don Russell, Joan Howard

(out of 4)

Nicolas Cage’s Lesser Known Brother

You gotta hand it to Ray Dennis Steckler. Here’s a guy who at the age of 24 scraped together $38,000 and made a low budget, no frills horror musical pretty much the way he wanted it, made himself the main lead, slapped a long funny title on it, and turned it into a minor cult phenomenon. I mean, sure, the movie is horrible - amateurishly shot (except for a few bits), with a muddy soundtrack, unattractive people, and shamelessly padded with interminable musical performances, but it’s also refreshingly earnest in the way that Ed Wood’s Plan 9 from Outer Space was earnest, and nowhere near as cringe-inducing. In fact, there are a few effective sequences, one involving the bizarre hypnotism of the lead character and another showing a surreal nightmare featuring dancing demons in face paint. The fact that it makes good use of Long Beach’s Pike Amusement Park helps - the combination of burlesque dancers, scary puppets, fortune tellers, and roller coasters constantly in motion lends the movie a kind of gritty authenticity that only Z-budget indie films can deliver.

Wait… aren’t we supposed to be attracted to exotic dancers?

Yes, the movie is called The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?, a nice gimmick if you ask me. It was originally based off the long title from Kubrick’s Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, and I personally dig the two exclamation points closed out with a question mark, as if it was a question that a theoretical distributor or producer of the movie might have asked in disbelief over the phone. Stecker, going by the pseudonym Cash Flagg, stars as Jerry, a local miscreant who doesn’t believe in holding down a job, and doesn’t really treat women right, but still manages to attract girlfriend Angela (Sharon Walsh) despite her mother’s objections. At the midway, they visit a spooky fortune teller with a rather ugly mole and greasy appearance named Madam Estrella (Brett O’Hara), who gives them a rather ambiguous but ominous prognostication. Oh yeah, Madam Estrella happens to be a psycho who likes to pour acid on peoples faces and throw them into secret cages for reasons that the film never bothers to answer. Just go with it.

DJ Ortega and MC Estrella’s New Album Drops Soon, Beyatch!

Meanwhile, mannish-looking dancer Marge Neilson (Carolyn Brandt, later to become Steckler’s wife), after her own unfortunate session with Madam Estrella, has accidentally stumbled upon her cage of acid-scarred monsters. Estrella, along with her man-servant/pet monster Ortega (Don Russell going by the name Jack Brady), hypnotizes Jerry into doing her bidding, which of course involves offing Marge and anybody else who happens to be a threat to her caged zombie operation. Being a “mere shadow” as Estrella declares, Jerry doesn’t really seem to offer up much resistance, besides the occasional acid trip flashback/nightmare, which is admittedly cool to watch.

Darth Maul!

The plot to Strange Creatures… is razor-thin, with no complexities or twists to speak of. It boils down to a crazy carnie turning people into killer monsters, who later escape (rather easily) to get revenge, only to be shot dead by trigger happy cops. Enough for about 45 minutes, so Steckler fills out the rest of the running time with really bad musical numbers, which grind things to a halt rather quickly. I got the impression that this wouldn’t be a problem if the film was played at drive-ins (it seems like this was the intent from the start), where the musical sequences would simply serve as cues for periodic make-out sessions.

This was before shaving down there was fashionable.

Still, the film is interesting for the fact that it even exists in the first place, that it serves as a good example of guerrilla filmmaking, and that it is a giant middle finger from Steckler to Hollywood. It’s not a “good” movie by any stretch, but one still worth checking out, if you catch my drift. Speaking of drifting, the moral of the story is: don’t be a drifter. You’ll get caught in the tide created by evil gypsy fortune tellers with large moles. Hey, man, that’s just weird enough for me. Incidentally, Re/Search has good articles about the making of Strange Creatures… and interviews with Steckler, which can be found in Re/Search #10: Incredibly Strange Films.

Open Mic Night did not go well for this guy.

By the way, I have the VHS version from the defunct Camp Video (with the groovy box) but the DVD release sports commentary tracks by both Steckler and Joe Bob Briggs. There’s also the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version, but if you ever meet Steckler in person try not to bring that up.

- Bill G

Camp Video

Gotta Feed The Monkey!

Based in Las Vegas, Nevada, the now-defunct Paragon Video Productions was in business from 1981 to 1985. They released many genre movies in the VHS video rental market, along with other distributors like Continental Video, Camp Video, Media Home Entertainment, etc. Their star trail logo was simple and amusing. Their movies usually had a string of trailers in front of them.

The following trailers appear at the beginning of the VHS edition of Alien Contamination (AKA Contamination, except this is the Rated R edition). The year is 1982.

The following movie trailers are seen:

Boardinghouse (1982) - Trailers are normally supposed to make you want to see a movie. Curiously, this one has the opposite effect!

For Your Love Only (1977) - This is actually an “episode” of the long running German TV series “Tatort”. This particular episode-turned-into-movie stars Nastassja Kinski and was directed by Wolfgang Petersen (”Das Boot”).

The Witching (1972) - AKA “Necromancy”, and yes, that’s Orson Welles. Another “gem” from Bert I. Gordon, and nobody cutting this trailer saw fit to give any credits to anybody.. wonder why…It should be noted that this 1983 re-edit of the film, apparently for the worse.

Molly & Lawless John (1972) - This one has Vera Miles (Psycho 1 and 2), Sam Elliott, and Clu Gulager.

Just Before Dawn (1981) - In-the-woods shocker starring George Kennedy.

One Armed Executioner (1983)- Revenge flick starring that one guy and that other guy too.

Funeral Home (1980) - Reminds us of the Don’t trailer from Grindhouse.

The Gates of Hell (1980) - Yes, this is the altered version of Fulci’s City of the Living Dead.

Hotwire (1980) - Apparently George Kennedy is in this one also. Looks like some kind of Southern-fried car thief flick.

Finishing out is the Paragon Video logo.

By the way, Critical Condition has a nice page dedicated to Paragon’s VHS Video Covers.

ENI has relased some photos of the new Jason in the upcoming Friday the 13th remake. Here is one:

More images here.

The new Jason Vorhees is played by Derek Mears. Produced by Michael Bay, the remake will be directed by Marcus Nispel, and written by Damian Shannon and Mark Swift. It is said that the film will be a reimagining of the first three films in the series.

Current release date is February 13th, 2009.

friday_13th_2009

Original Friday the 13th Review
Friday the 13th Part 2 Review

The Bad Seed (1956)

Directed by: Mervyn LeRoy

Starring: Nancy Kelly, Patty McCormack, Henry Jones, Eileen Heckart, Evelyn Varden, William Hopper

1/2  (out of 4)

I Yam What I Yam!

The nature versus nurture debate takes center stage in director Mervyn LeRoy’s The Bad Seed, which came out in 1956 and was based on the popular play of the same name (written by Maxwell Anderson), which was itself based on a novel by William March. Predating “evil kid” movies like The Omen and The Good Son, The Bad Seed stars a young Patty McCormack as a prim and proper 8 year old blonde with pig tails named Rhoda who just happens to be a complete sociopath. (McCormack had previously played the role on stage). Nancy Kelly plays her mom Christine Penmark, who at first doesn’t want to believe that her precious little Rhoda killed her classmate down by the water because he won the school penmanship medal and she didn’t. After some laughable melodrama involving the dead boy’s mother (Eileen Heckart), who periodically barges into Christine’s household drunk and tosses around J’accuse! at anybody who happens to be in the vicinity, Christine confronts her father only to find out an unfortunate bit of information involving her lineage (you know - she’s adopted, her real mom was a serial killer, etc).

Hubby home soon and no vermouth for the martini!

When a rivalry erupts between Rhoda and the resident janitor man-child Leroy (Henry Jones), the tension and overacting grow to unbearable heights. Leroy isn’t all dumb - he knows what Rhoda did last summer and all that. (I actually rather enjoyed Jones’ performance). Rhoda then torches him in the cellar and very coolly returns to her piano lessons. This leads to an interesting scene where Christine witnesses Leroy’s death by fire and is slowly driven mad by Rhoda’s relentless piano playing of Au Claire de la Lune. Speaking of relentless, the histrionics on the part of all players just doesn’t quit. We should be creeped out by Rhoda’s transformations from cute blond girl to psycho serial killer but little Patty McCormack isn’t experienced enough to display the subtleties necessary for this kind of complex character. Nancy Kelly fares a bit better, but not much - she’s forced to spew out meandering and overdramatic dialogue which pulls us out of the movie.

I Know What You Did 52 Summers Ago

The main problem is that the film version of The Bad Seed is no different from the play in terms of structure and delivery - there’s precious few sets, more talk than action, and it seems like everybody was told to shout their lines so that the person in the back row can hear everything. This staginess gives a distinctively uncinematic quality, and it’s only made worse by the bizarre curtain call at the end of the film. I suppose the idea was to have the audience leave the theater in an upbeat mood (You see? The evil child was just a cute actress, after all! We can now go back to fearing the commies!)

The worst mistake made by The Bad Seed is the ridiculous Deus ex machina ending, which probably shouldn’t be totally blamed on the film’s creators. Back then, the Hays code wouldn’t let crime pay; as a result, the ending is a complete tonal shift and makes no sense. Of course, the movie isn’t all bad - there is a lot of potential in the material. For example, a discussion could be held about the strength of the mother-daughter bond - take Christine’s conflicting feelings regarding her daughter - it’s hard not to love your own flesh and blood, no matter how evil they are. (Rhoda is Rosemary’s Baby as a preteen.) Something might also be said about the noticeable absence of Rhoda’s dad, who as a military man must spend weeks away from home. So much for the “environment” side of the argument - the rest of the movie clearly sides with heredity.

J’accuse!

Later films like The Exorcist and The Omen would of course give religious origins to the evil-child scenario, but I think a screenplay like The Bad Seed could be remade well (I have heard that The Good Son and the 1985 TV remake wasn’t it). As long as somebody realizes that some works can transfer well from the theater to the movie screen, but other works need tweaking (like toning down the “theatrics”). The few things that work in The Bad Seed are unfortunately lost in the dull stretches.

~Bill G

Screw you! I’m posting spoilers on AICN as soon as I get home!

The Machine Girl (2008)

Directed by: Noboru Iguchi
Starring: Minase Yashiro, Asami, Nobuhiro Nishimura, Honoka, Kentaro Shimazu, Ryousuke Kawamura

(out of 4)

Wow, don’t I feel inadequate!

About 13 minutes in to Noboru Iguchi’s Kataude mashin gâru (from here on referred to as The Machine Girl), teenage yakuza/ninja in training Sho (Nobuhiro Nishimura) is made to drink his father’s (Kentaro Shimazu) blood, which flows from dad’s wrist to son’s mouth in copious amounts of crimson, to “strengthen their bond”. Of course, by this time, we’ve already seen our heroine Ami Hyuga (a cute and tough Minase Yashiro in her first acting role) take revenge on multiple teen yakuza bullies by blasting them to pieces with a machine gun attached to the stump where her arm used to be.

The Machine Girl is full of flying limbs, decapitated heads, chopped fingers, and spurting blood so plentiful that in some scenes it sprays the camera lens - just one of the few homages to Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead  movies (the giveaway is the arm-machine-gun attachment, which in 2008 generates comparisons to Rodriguez’ Planet Terror, but when I see souped-up ass-kicker Ami dispatch multiple assholes in gory fashion, it seems to me like she’s a certain reincarnation of Bruce Campbell’s Ash). And like Ash, who was a mild mannered S-Mart employee turned unwanted hero, so too, is Ami: originally non-violent, shunned by her community for crimes her parents didn’t commit, wrongfully called a murderer, and having her brother Yu (Ryôsuke Kawamura) killed by Sho’s gang, she is finally driven to ironically fulfill the role assigned to her.

Oh my God! They’ve killed Kenny! You Bastards!

Later on, when physically tortured by Sho’s family, which includes the completely insane dragon lady mom (Honoka - another AV actress hottie who would be at home in a Tarantino flick), Ami begins her physical transformation into monster/instrument of revenge. But by that time, her psyche has already started the journey. Speaking of Tarantino, comparisons between Ami and Uma Thurman’s bride from the Kill Bill movies is not off the mark. Even the beginning title sequence seems ripped from Tarantino, who of course gets his inspiration from 70s grindhouse cinema. So it’s the east stealing from the west stealing from the east, and around and around we go!

Let’s be honest here - this movie isn’t for the kids. While it’s true that the film is done up like a live action anime (the music sounds like it comes straight out of Dragonball Z; the camera likes to pan right to left over a character’s face, just like in anime), and much of the gore is delivered over the top with humorous intent (think Riki-Oh, or maybe early Peter Jackson splatter like Bad Taste and Dead-Alive), it’s still pretty harsh stuff. Ami spraying blood from a headless victim into the face of the victim’s dad may be funny for the sheer balls of it, but seriously, damn. What about the poor chef forced to eat sushi made from his own fingers or the mother and son who have the tops of their heads sliced off and exchanged? I think you get the idea.

Not bad, but needs more soy and wasabi

Then again, bubbling up through all the pools of blood is this concept of that blood’s capacity to bond a family together. Whether someone is good or evil, they always have parents who love them, right? The strong ties between Ami and her brother, Sho and his parents, Takeshi and his parents Suguru and Miki, take center stage. For example, the ninja squad sent to kill Ami and Miki (Japanese model Asami - also hot) are, of course, slaughtered in gory fashion. The grieving parents are then recruited into the “Super Mourner Gang” to get revenge. (They all wear pictures of their slain sons on their chest, while occasionally shouting out their kids names). Iguchi is interested in exploring themes of revenge begetting revenge, and of blood feuds, and of the bonds between parents and children. That is, when he’s not aiming geysers of blood at us.

The performances, especially from the female leads, are energetic which matches director Iguchi’s hyper kinetic visual style of filming. It’s Honoka’s evil babe Mamma Hattori that steals the show, however - her character is completely off the deep end - I mean, her weapon of choice is a drill bra. That’s right, a drill bra.

Comes from the Victoria’s Secret in Akihabara

The Machine Girl is surreal, gory, offensive, funny, outrageous, twisted, and absolutely, positively Japanese.

- Bill G