C.H.U.D. (1984) (out of 4)
Directed by: Douglas Cheek
Starring: John Heard, Daniel Stern, Christopher Curry, Kim Greist, J.C. Quinn, George Martin

Ah, eco-terror films. Born in the paranoid 1950s, giving us the nature-run-amok theme involving giant insects and killer rabbits and such, they are fun items, I admit, but I think they possess a certain limitation - after all the warnings about the dangers of polluting the environment and mother nature’s revenge on the human race, they still usually end up as simple B-movie monster fare. Naturally, the best of the environmental-horror flicks try to work around these limitations through quirky characters, decent suspense, or witty dialogue. They don’t always succeed, but hey, if you find yourself worrying about the environment afterward I suppose some good came out of it, right?

The two movies I want to review today cover the same basic ground - monsters created by mankind’s negligence and greed run amok. The difference between them is in attitude and location. Prophecy, released in 1979, sets its monster in the pristine wilderness of Maine and wants to believe that everyone has the best intentions but are simply ignorant of their situation. C.H.U.D., from 1984, hits the streets of New York City and calls out the authorities for willful deceit and corruption. But both deal with contamination and genetic mutation, and if they could actually talk you would probably hear them shouting stuff like “You idiots! Don’t you see what you’re doing to the planet!”. Both feature pregnant main characters (”Think about the world you want to bring your children up in!”). Of course, both have weaknesses that pretty much derail them, although C.H.U.D. manages to hold up better after all these years.

Scuse

Prophecy shows the corruption of the natural world by man’s interference. When we begin, mill workers in the forests of Maine are slaughtered by an unknown entity. The next morning we are treated to a camera pan of their mangled bodies, set to classical music. Only later to we discover our heroine Maggie (Talia Shire) playing the cello in an orchestra. She’s worried because she’s pregnant but her husband Dr. Bob Verne (Robert Foxworth) doesn’t want any children and she doesn’t know how to break the news. “The world is such a mess it’s unfair to bring a child into it,” she says at one point. And so begins the movie’s liberal-tinged onslaught.

When we first see Dr. Verne he is saving a baby in the inner city from rat bites. He is picked by government man Vic (Graham Jarvis) to travel to Maine to mediate a dispute between lumberjacks from the Pitney Mills Paper Company and the Indian tribes in the area. The mill people have timber rights to 100,000 acres of forestland that the local O.P.s are blockading. The US government hopes to break the standstill by using Dr. Verne to write a report for the EPA. Vic hopes that because Dr. Verne is good with people, he can get the lumber company and the Indians to play nice. Of course, nowhere during the course of the film do we actually witness Dr. Verne using his supposed skills with people to get anything done. When the lumber mill operator Isley (Richard Dysart) threatens tribe leader John Hawks (Armand Assante) with a chainsaw, the doc just sits back and never gets out of the car. His tour of the lumber plant ends with a big argument with Isley - wow, so he’s good with people, huh?

Don't worry - this is a PG Chainsaw

After being attacked by a crazed raccoon, witnessing extra-large fish (including a giant tadpole), and hearing stories about deformed Indian babies, Dr. Verne thinks it’s time to check out the mill. Isley assures them that everything is proper, but later Verne discovers mercury in the area. After Maggie gets some of it on her hands she doesn’t seem too bothered by it. In fact, for a pregnant lady, she seems strangely dispassionate. A normal person would have immediately informed her husband about the pregnancy and then left the area for safety, long before anybody is attacked by a mutant bear.

Oh yes, did I mention that the monster is a mutant bear? A rather silly looking one - cheesy effects, rubbery suit, etc. - but the bear is at least ferocious, as it slashes, eats, cuts off heads, and so on. When one poor family is killed, the boy, trapped in a tight yellow sleeping bag, is whacked away into a rock. As his body hits, his sleeping bag seems to explode white feathers all over the place. How bizarre. Personally, I think the monster looks like Manbearpig, from South Park. I wonder if Prophecy is where they got their inspiration from.

Handbanana! No!

The idea here is that if pregnant females consume fish with methylmercury in it, the poison jumps the placental barrier. This probably explains the mutant cubs that our heroes discover, and try to get to safety to use as evidence. Having consumed fish herself, Maggie understandably worries about what kind of baby she’ll have (as evidenced by Prophecy’s poster, of a mutant monster in a womb). Of course, here is where the movie drops the ball - after all is said and done there is no followup on Maggie’s baby. No discussions on what she’ll do (besides her intentions on keeping it), how the baby turns out, any of it. I suppose we’re just going to have to be happy with Larry Cohen’s It’s Alive. By the way, it seems to me that Cohen (God Told Me To, The Stuff) would have been a better candidate to direct this movie than John Frankenheimer (The Manchurian Candidate, Black Sunday). Frankenheimer brings A-list sensibilities to a B-picture and I think the result is mixed. There are a few scenes that work - one nicely shot sequence in underground tunnels is suspenseful, and there’s no denying the beauty of the scenery. But other sequences seem too serious in tone for a movie about a giant manbearpig. (Prophecy overdoes it on the environmentalism message). The characters, though likable, behave nonsensically. Talia Shire’s milquetoast mom hauls a mutant bear cub all over the place while being chased by mommy bear without once considering that perhaps she shouldn’t be doing that. Only when the cub starts chewing on her neck does she think to dispose of it. I guess she’s really attached to the idea of having a mutant baby. The biggest problem with Prophecy though, is that most of the monster sequences are unrealistic and seem cut to shreds by the producers to garner a PG rating (even though this movie is very violent for a PG - in today’s world it would most likely be PG-13 - but hey, it’s the 70s). I also wonder if there is uncut footage regarding the aftermath of Maggie’s pregnancy lying around somewhere.

ManBearPig exists!

C.H.U.D.’s best gimmick involves the title itself, which refers to the “monsters in the sewers”. They’re called Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers. Now tell me that’s not brilliant! John Heard is George Cooper, a photographer who does pieces on the homeless who live under the streets of NYC. Kim Greist plays his pregnant model girlfriend. Daniel Stern is AJ, the soup kitchen guy who’s friends with Captain Bosch, played by Christopher Curry. Bosch’s wife disappeared while out walking the dog one night - well, actually an unseen monster pulled her down into the sewers. A couple more missing persons cases turn up, including assorted homeless (called undergrounders) and a little girl’s grandpa, who’s grabbed by a CHUD right out of a phone booth.

Scuse

A meeting with shady city leaders exposes government bureaucrat Wilson (George Martin) as the bad guy, responsible for a major coverup involving the dumping of toxic waste under the city. Greist’s character is attacked in her apartment by a CHUD while the rest of the cast gets trapped underground while Wilson decides to flood the sewers with gas to kill off the CHUDs. The CHUDs, of course, are the undergrounders after they undergo ugly transformations due to radiation exposure.

Thank you, lord, for this bountiful harvest of toxic sludge!

C.H.U.D.’s major weakness is that it plods along for too many stretches without really showing us the monsters. When the CHUDs do make their appearance, it’s fleeting, and we never get a serious look at them for too long. Perhaps the creators of the film thought the makeup effects weren’t up to par, although personally I liked what I saw. As a B-movie picture, C.H.U.D. is just too damn talky for its own good, but I must say that I liked the characters more than usual, so I suppose that I can’t complain about this point. Heard, Stern, Greist, and Curry all give good performances for this sort of thing, and hell, even John Goodman makes an appearance (briefly - in a diner scene where police officers are attacked by CHUDs. This diner scene, by the way, originally was tacked on to the end of the theatrical release, but this DVD release restores it to the middle of the film, where it was originally intended to be).

I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock, with nail polish.

The ending to C.H.U.D. is a bit weak, as everything culminates in a face off with bad guy Wilson - it basically comes down to a gunfight. For a monster movie, I think it’s unacceptable not to have a face off with the monsters themselves. (At least Prophecy knew enough to do this). But C.H.U.D. is still a better film than Prophecy because it has more going for it - the city setting seems to work better for this kind of picture, the characters are more fleshed out, CHUDs look cooler than Manbearpig, and, well, radioactive toxic waste is more interesting than boring old mercury poisoning.

Nom, nom, nom!

If you pay attention, part of each film deals with man’s mistreatment of man - in each case there’s a forgotten people (Prophecy’s Native Americans, C.H.U.D.’s homeless) who are given vindication if not true justice. We disregard them (and nature) at our own peril. That’s the message, I think, and I’m sure it’s fairly accurate since both movies tend to shove the idea into our faces. Perhaps they have to, considering that otherwise we’d all be commenting on how fake their rubbery monster suits look. (But we do that anyway). In any case, these pro-environment movies are what I consider the last gasp of the cinema of environmental horror, and they certainly look it. I only recommend watching either of these on rainy days or very late nights. Booze helps.

My neck is killing me... can you give me a rub?

-Bill G

(out of 4)

You're Doing It Wrong

Geoul sokeuro, the South Korean horror mystery that we’ll refer to from here on as Into the Mirror, is a movie that isn’t sure what it wants to be. In a sense, it suffers from a split personality similar to the one it deals with - it wants to be half detective drama and half supernatural ghost story, and it almost succeeds, except that the drama part is so drawn out to the point of tedium that I welcomed any supernatural occurrence to help break up the monotony. The real point though, is that the elements and camera trickery used to depict the movie’s supernatural happenings - in this case mirrors - should have been used in a more psychological sense. Instead, we must take it as a given that a ghost can enter our world through the mirror image; a better idea would have been to leave it up to the audience to decide that.

She's so vain.

The movie begins in a department store that is about to re-open after a fire that occurred a year earlier. A woman employee, who also happens to be a klepto, is getting ready to leave when she is apparently killed by her own reflection in the mirror. Enter Woo Yeong-min (played by Ji-tae Yu), chief of security at the store, who used to be a detective but quit after being indirectly reponsible for the death of his partner. (He tried to shoot the bad guy holding his partner hostage but instead shot at a mirror out of confusion). After a few other employees end up dead (killed by their reflections) Woo and the police, led by Heo Hyeon-su (Myeong-min Kim), begin separate investigations, occasionally bumping heads. (Heo still blames Woo for the partner’s death). Thrown in the mix is a woman who supposedly died in the fire (Lee Jeong-hyeon) and her twin sister Lee Ji-hyeon , just out of the mental hospital. Of course, the twin claims that the image she sees in the mirror is not really her reflection but her dead sister. So we have a disgraced detective, filled with guilt, faced with an opportunity to get his honor back, much angst on the part of the major characters, greedy owners who just want to open up the store again, and some foul play behind the scenes suggesting that Jeong-hyeon didn’t really die by accident.

Director Sung-ho Kim makes very clever use of mirrors, although I never really wondered too much about how the visual effects were achieved. For example, if a person’s mirror image starts moving around I can usually guess that the person outside the mirror is a double. What impressed me, though, was the fact that Sung-ho Kim hid his cameras so well! The idea of the “other” in the mirror has been explored before - I specifically remember John Carpenter’s Prince Of Darkness (which, like this film, suggests another reality on the other side of the mirror) and Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead 2 (where Ash’s mirror image jumps out at him). A character in the film suggests that the mirror represents a second world with a second ego, as perceived by someone with a split personality. The person suffering the split thinks he is seeing two different (symmetrical) worlds. “The person is psychologically divided in two”. This explanation seems to fit in with the WTF ending (think of Silent Hill instead of The Sixth Sense), but then how come the movie bends over backwards to show us ghosts? And why have the ghost use mirrors anyway when the movie makes it clear that the ghost can manipulate objects and come into our reality at will?

Man, I don't know what to tell ya!

I still enjoyed Into the Mirror more than the usual Asian ghost story, which too often likes to use long haired creepy girls (the Ringu phenomenon) for the spook factor. The movie covers interesting ground but there’s just not enough of it, as if the creators didn’t truly believe in their mirror-world hokum and tried to keep distance from it as long as possible so they can bring us a melodramatic detective story. I can’t completely blame them, as the supernatural elements are scattershot and never really come together in the confusing ending. Sure, the ending is neat, but it’s nonsensical. I am hoping that the American remake (Mirrors) starring Kiefer Sutherland tones down the ghost and gets more psychological. But who am I kidding - the thing is directed by Alexandre Aja (Haute Tension, The Hills Have Eyes remake) a guy not exactly known for subtlety.

-Bill G

(out of 4)

Nicolas Cage’s Lesser Known Brother

You gotta hand it to Ray Dennis Steckler. Here’s a guy who at the age of 24 scraped together $38,000 and made a low budget, no frills horror musical pretty much the way he wanted it, made himself the main lead, slapped a long funny title on it, and turned it into a minor cult phenomenon. I mean, sure, the movie is horrible - amateurishly shot (except for a few bits), with a muddy soundtrack, unattractive people, and shamelessly padded with interminable musical performances, but it’s also refreshingly earnest in the way that Ed Wood’s Plan 9 from Outer Space was earnest, and nowhere near as cringe-inducing. In fact, there are a few effective sequences, one involving the bizarre hypnotism of the lead character and another showing a surreal nightmare featuring dancing demons in face paint. The fact that it makes good use of Long Beach’s Pike Amusement Park helps - the combination of burlesque dancers, scary puppets, fortune tellers, and roller coasters constantly in motion lends the movie a kind of gritty authenticity that only Z-budget indie films can deliver.

Wait… aren’t we supposed to be attracted to exotic dancers?

Yes, the movie is called The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?, a nice gimmick if you ask me. It was originally based off the long title from Kubrick’s Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, and I personally dig the two exclamation points closed out with a question mark, as if it was a question that a theoretical distributor or producer of the movie might have asked in disbelief over the phone. Stecker, going by the pseudonym Cash Flagg, stars as Jerry, a local miscreant who doesn’t believe in holding down a job, and doesn’t really treat women right, but still manages to attract girlfriend Angela (Sharon Walsh) despite her mother’s objections. At the midway, they visit a spooky fortune teller with a rather ugly mole and greasy appearance named Madam Estrella (Brett O’Hara), who gives them a rather ambiguous but ominous prognostication. Oh yeah, Madam Estrella happens to be a psycho who likes to pour acid on peoples faces and throw them into secret cages for reasons that the film never bothers to answer. Just go with it.

DJ Ortega and MC Estrella’s New Album Drops Soon, Beyatch!

Meanwhile, mannish-looking dancer Marge Neilson (Carolyn Brandt, later to become Steckler’s wife), after her own unfortunate session with Madam Estrella, has accidentally stumbled upon her cage of acid-scarred monsters. Estrella, along with her man-servant/pet monster Ortega (Don Russell going by the name Jack Brady), hypnotizes Jerry into doing her bidding, which of course involves offing Marge and anybody else who happens to be a threat to her caged zombie operation. Being a “mere shadow” as Estrella declares, Jerry doesn’t really seem to offer up much resistance, besides the occasional acid trip flashback/nightmare, which is admittedly cool to watch.

Darth Maul!

The plot to Strange Creatures… is razor-thin, with no complexities or twists to speak of. It boils down to a crazy carnie turning people into killer monsters, who later escape (rather easily) to get revenge, only to be shot dead by trigger happy cops. Enough for about 45 minutes, so Steckler fills out the rest of the running time with really bad musical numbers, which grind things to a halt rather quickly. I got the impression that this wouldn’t be a problem if the film was played at drive-ins (it seems like this was the intent from the start), where the musical sequences would simply serve as cues for periodic make-out sessions.

This was before shaving down there was fashionable.

Still, the film is interesting for the fact that it even exists in the first place, that it serves as a good example of guerrilla filmmaking, and that it is a giant middle finger from Steckler to Hollywood. It’s not a “good” movie by any stretch, but one still worth checking out, if you catch my drift. Speaking of drifting, the moral of the story is: don’t be a drifter. You’ll get caught in the tide created by evil gypsy fortune tellers with large moles. Hey, man, that’s just weird enough for me. Incidentally, Re/Search has good articles about the making of Strange Creatures… and interviews with Steckler, which can be found in Re/Search #10: Incredibly Strange Films.

Open Mic Night did not go well for this guy.

By the way, I have the VHS version from the defunct Camp Video (with the groovy box) but the DVD release sports commentary tracks by both Steckler and Joe Bob Briggs. There’s also the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version, but if you ever meet Steckler in person try not to bring that up.

- Bill G

Camp Video

Gotta Feed The Monkey!

The following trailers appear at the beginning of the VHS edition of Alien Contamination (AKA Contamination, except this is the Rated R edition). The year is 1982.

The following movie trailers are seen:

Boardinghouse (1982) - Trailers are normally supposed to make you want to see a movie. Curiously, this one has the opposite effect!

For Your Love Only (1977) - This is actually an “episode” of the long running German TV series “Tatort”. This particular episode-turned-into-movie stars Nastassja Kinski and was directed by Wolfgang Petersen (”Das Boot”).

The Witching (1972) - AKA “Necromancy”, and yes, that’s Orson Welles. Another “gem” from Bert I. Gordon, and nobody cutting this trailer saw fit to give any credits to anybody.. wonder why…It should be noted that this 1983 re-edit of the film, apparently for the worse.

Molly & Lawless John (1972) - This one has Vera Miles (Psycho 1 and 2), Sam Elliott, and Clu Gulager.

Just Before Dawn (1981) - In-the-woods shocker starring George Kennedy.

One Armed Executioner (1983)- Revenge flick starring that one guy and that other guy too.

Funeral Home (1980) - Reminds us of the Don’t trailer from Grindhouse.

The Gates of Hell (1980) - Yes, this is the altered version of Fulci’s City of the Living Dead.

Hotwire (1980) - Apparently George Kennedy is in this one also. Looks like some kind of Southern-fried car thief flick.

Finishing out is the Paragon Video logo.

By the way, Critical Condition has a nice page dedicated to Paragon’s VHS Video Covers.

More images here.

The new Jason Vorhees is played by Derek Mears. Produced by Michael Bay, the remake will be directed by Marcus Nispel, and written by Damian Shannon and Mark Swift. It is said that the film will be a reimagining of the first three films in the series.

Current release date is February 13th, 2009.

friday_13th_2009

Original Friday the 13th Review
Friday the 13th Part 2 Review

The Frogs are Back

The plot of the new film:

Lost Boys: The Tribe takes place in Luna Bay, where vampire surfers quickly dispatch anyone who crosses their path. Into this dark world arrive moody Chris Emerson (Tad Hilgenbrinck) and his shy sister, Nicole (Autumn Reeser). Having lost their parents in a car accident, the siblings move in with their eccentric Aunt Jillian and become new prey for the local surfers. When Nicole unwittingly drinks the blood of a vampire, Chris must locate and destroy the gang’s Head Vampire, Shane (Angus Sutherland), before his sister’s transformation is complete.

Warner Premiere’s Lost Boys The Tribe arrives on Blu-ray and DVD July 29th from Warner Home Video.

Lost Boys The Tribe is directed by P.J. Pesce from a script by Hans Rodionoff. The movie also features a remake of the song “Cry Little Sister” by G Tom Mac. The updated version of the song is performed by Aiden.

Lost Boys The Tribe will be available in two versions: a single disc rated edition with both widescreen and full screen formats and a single disc Uncut edition with widescreen and full screen formats. The uncut edition will also be available on Blu-ray.

In conjunction with Warner Premiere’s direct-to-DVD launch of Lost Boys The Tribe , the 1987 original comedy-horror cult film The Lost Boys will make its Hi-Def debut also on July 29th. The Lost Boys Blu-ray Hi-Def will be available and will contain the same content as the DVD version of The Lost Boys Two-Disc Special Edition, including commentary by Director Joel Schumacher, interviews, featurettes, The Vampire’s Photo Gallery, deleted scenes and more.

Lost Boys The Tribe contains the following special features:

• Lost Boys: The Tribe: Action Junkies —A piece showcasing the various extreme sports stunt choreography throughout the film.
• Edgar Frog’s Guide to Coming Back Alive — A “How To Kill” doc showcasing various weapons and methods for disposing of vampires. Hosted by Corey Feldman in character as Edgar Frog.
• Alternate Endings: — Two alternate endings featuring a familiar face from the 1987 Original.
• Blu-ray disc includes a bonus Digital Copy of the film.
• Music Videos: an all-new remix music video of “CRY LITTLE SISTER” by original THE LOST BOYS artist G Tom Mac, and three music videos by Yeah Whatever.

And yes, Angus Sutherland is the younger half-brother of Kiefer.

Directed by: Mervyn LeRoy

Starring: Nancy Kelly, Patty McCormack, Henry Jones, Eileen Heckart, Evelyn Varden, William Hopper

1/2  (out of 4)

I Yam What I Yam!

The nature versus nurture debate takes center stage in director Mervyn LeRoy’s The Bad Seed, which came out in 1956 and was based on the popular play of the same name (written by Maxwell Anderson), which was itself based on a novel by William March. Predating “evil kid” movies like The Omen and The Good Son, The Bad Seed stars a young Patty McCormack as a prim and proper 8 year old blonde with pig tails named Rhoda who just happens to be a complete sociopath. (McCormack had previously played the role on stage). Nancy Kelly plays her mom Christine Penmark, who at first doesn’t want to believe that her precious little Rhoda killed her classmate down by the water because he won the school penmanship medal and she didn’t. After some laughable melodrama involving the dead boy’s mother (Eileen Heckart), who periodically barges into Christine’s household drunk and tosses around J’accuse! at anybody who happens to be in the vicinity, Christine confronts her father only to find out an unfortunate bit of information involving her lineage (you know - she’s adopted, her real mom was a serial killer, etc).

Hubby home soon and no vermouth for the martini!

When a rivalry erupts between Rhoda and the resident janitor man-child Leroy (Henry Jones), the tension and overacting grow to unbearable heights. Leroy isn’t all dumb - he knows what Rhoda did last summer and all that. (I actually rather enjoyed Jones’ performance). Rhoda then torches him in the cellar and very coolly returns to her piano lessons. This leads to an interesting scene where Christine witnesses Leroy’s death by fire and is slowly driven mad by Rhoda’s relentless piano playing of Au Claire de la Lune. Speaking of relentless, the histrionics on the part of all players just doesn’t quit. We should be creeped out by Rhoda’s transformations from cute blond girl to psycho serial killer but little Patty McCormack isn’t experienced enough to display the subtleties necessary for this kind of complex character. Nancy Kelly fares a bit better, but not much - she’s forced to spew out meandering and overdramatic dialogue which pulls us out of the movie.

I Know What You Did 52 Summers Ago

The main problem is that the film version of The Bad Seed is no different from the play in terms of structure and delivery - there’s precious few sets, more talk than action, and it seems like everybody was told to shout their lines so that the person in the back row can hear everything. This staginess gives a distinctively uncinematic quality, and it’s only made worse by the bizarre curtain call at the end of the film. I suppose the idea was to have the audience leave the theater in an upbeat mood (You see? The evil child was just a cute actress, after all! We can now go back to fearing the commies!)

The worst mistake made by The Bad Seed is the ridiculous Deus ex machina ending, which probably shouldn’t be totally blamed on the film’s creators. Back then, the Hays code wouldn’t let crime pay; as a result, the ending is a complete tonal shift and makes no sense. Of course, the movie isn’t all bad - there is a lot of potential in the material. For example, a discussion could be held about the strength of the mother-daughter bond - take Christine’s conflicting feelings regarding her daughter - it’s hard not to love your own flesh and blood, no matter how evil they are. (Rhoda is Rosemary’s Baby as a preteen.) Something might also be said about the noticeable absence of Rhoda’s dad, who as a military man must spend weeks away from home. So much for the “environment” side of the argument - the rest of the movie clearly sides with heredity.

J’accuse!

Later films like The Exorcist and The Omen would of course give religious origins to the evil-child scenario, but I think a screenplay like The Bad Seed could be remade well (I have heard that The Good Son and the 1985 TV remake wasn’t it). As long as somebody realizes that some works can transfer well from the theater to the movie screen, but other works need tweaking (like toning down the “theatrics”). The few things that work in The Bad Seed are unfortunately lost in the dull stretches.

~Bill G

Screw you! I’m posting spoilers on AICN as soon as I get home!

Directed by: Noboru Iguchi
Starring: Minase Yashiro, Asami, Nobuhiro Nishimura, Honoka, Kentaro Shimazu, Ryousuke Kawamura

(out of 4)

Wow, don’t I feel inadequate!

About 13 minutes in to Noboru Iguchi’s Kataude mashin gâru (from here on referred to as The Machine Girl), teenage yakuza/ninja in training Sho (Nobuhiro Nishimura) is made to drink his father’s (Kentaro Shimazu) blood, which flows from dad’s wrist to son’s mouth in copious amounts of crimson, to “strengthen their bond”. Of course, by this time, we’ve already seen our heroine Ami Hyuga (a cute and tough Minase Yashiro in her first acting role) take revenge on multiple teen yakuza bullies by blasting them to pieces with a machine gun attached to the stump where her arm used to be.

The Machine Girl is full of flying limbs, decapitated heads, chopped fingers, and spurting blood so plentiful that in some scenes it sprays the camera lens - just one of the few homages to Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead  movies (the giveaway is the arm-machine-gun attachment, which in 2008 generates comparisons to Rodriguez’ Planet Terror, but when I see souped-up ass-kicker Ami dispatch multiple assholes in gory fashion, it seems to me like she’s a certain reincarnation of Bruce Campbell’s Ash). And like Ash, who was a mild mannered S-Mart employee turned unwanted hero, so too, is Ami: originally non-violent, shunned by her community for crimes her parents didn’t commit, wrongfully called a murderer, and having her brother Yu (Ryôsuke Kawamura) killed by Sho’s gang, she is finally driven to ironically fulfill the role assigned to her.

Oh my God! They’ve killed Kenny! You Bastards!

Later on, when physically tortured by Sho’s family, which includes the completely insane dragon lady mom (Honoka - another AV actress hottie who would be at home in a Tarantino flick), Ami begins her physical transformation into monster/instrument of revenge. But by that time, her psyche has already started the journey. Speaking of Tarantino, comparisons between Ami and Uma Thurman’s bride from the Kill Bill movies is not off the mark. Even the beginning title sequence seems ripped from Tarantino, who of course gets his inspiration from 70s grindhouse cinema. So it’s the east stealing from the west stealing from the east, and around and around we go!

Let’s be honest here - this movie isn’t for the kids. While it’s true that the film is done up like a live action anime (the music sounds like it comes straight out of Dragonball Z; the camera likes to pan right to left over a character’s face, just like in anime), and much of the gore is delivered over the top with humorous intent (think Riki-Oh, or maybe early Peter Jackson splatter like Bad Taste and Dead-Alive), it’s still pretty harsh stuff. Ami spraying blood from a headless victim into the face of the victim’s dad may be funny for the sheer balls of it, but seriously, damn. What about the poor chef forced to eat sushi made from his own fingers or the mother and son who have the tops of their heads sliced off and exchanged? I think you get the idea.

Not bad, but needs more soy and wasabi

Then again, bubbling up through all the pools of blood is this concept of that blood’s capacity to bond a family together. Whether someone is good or evil, they always have parents who love them, right? The strong ties between Ami and her brother, Sho and his parents, Takeshi and his parents Suguru and Miki, take center stage. For example, the ninja squad sent to kill Ami and Miki (Japanese model Asami - also hot) are, of course, slaughtered in gory fashion. The grieving parents are then recruited into the “Super Mourner Gang” to get revenge. (They all wear pictures of their slain sons on their chest, while occasionally shouting out their kids names). Iguchi is interested in exploring themes of revenge begetting revenge, and of blood feuds, and of the bonds between parents and children. That is, when he’s not aiming geysers of blood at us.

The performances, especially from the female leads, are energetic which matches director Iguchi’s hyper kinetic visual style of filming. It’s Honoka’s evil babe Mamma Hattori that steals the show, however - her character is completely off the deep end - I mean, her weapon of choice is a drill bra. That’s right, a drill bra.

Comes from the Victoria’s Secret in Akihabara

The Machine Girl is surreal, gory, offensive, funny, outrageous, twisted, and absolutely, positively Japanese.

- Bill G

You might remember Caroline Munro from Dracula A.D. 1972, Maniac, Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter, and The Spy Who Loved Me.

Excerpts:

ZANI – Do you think, by then, the whole Hammer Horror genre was coming to an end? … maybe there was a natural change in people’s taste.

Caroline Munro – Maybe the Hammer thing was coming to a natural end, but I wasn’t partially aware of it, as I had just signed a year’s contract with Hammer. Which did run for a year. I just think maybe Kronos didn’t have enough of the stuff that had made Hammer famous. You know, heaving bosoms and blood and guts

…

Caroline Munro – There are a few people I would like to work with now, in the genre that appeals to me, in which I could do something for and I would love to work with.

ZANI – I take it Russell T Davies is one.

Caroline Munro – Yes and the others are Quentin Tarantino, a big one I know. Tim Burton and Rob Zombie. Rob Zombie produces interesting work for me, and he uses old girls and boys.

Caroline Munro – Lots people of think Peter (Cushing) just did horror, but he was a serious actor. Yes he was a serious actor, but very funny. I got the chance to work with him twice. Dracula 1972 AD and 2nd time At The Earth’s Core with Doug McClure. Where I got to have a lot of dialogue scenes with Peter. I got to know Peter well off the set. He was the sweetest and loveliest man you could hope to meet.

Christopher Lee is a big man, very handsome. I think when I did Dracula 1972 AD with him that was a big turning point in me, in realising that I wanted to be an actor. A lot of that was down to working with Christopher. I believed that I was Laura. I had never experienced anything like that in my life before. I was inspired by sprit of the young people there, like Christopher Neame, Stephanie Beacham, and Marsha Hunt.

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Caroline Munro – I loved the Mod scene, I remember going with my friend Anne Hamilton on a top of the bus, to Brighton, to watch the Mods and the Rockers fight. We were very young, we had to stay on the bus because all the police were there. We weren’t meant to be there, as we were only 13, or 14. I remember watching the Mods fight, and thinking that’s very cool.

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Read the whole interview here.

Director: Steve Miner
Starring: Amy Steel, John Furey, Adrienne King, Kirsten Baker, Stuart Charno, Walt Gorney, Marta Kober, Betsy Palmer, Tom McBride, Bill Randolph, Lauren-Marie Taylor, Jack Marks

(out of 4)

After the enourmous success of Friday the 13th (almost $40 million), a sequel was inevitable. This was quite alright, as horror sequels weren’t so prevalent in 1981 as they are now. Nowadays it seems all we get is sequels and remakes, but try to imagine a time where Jason was still just a legend and Freddy Krueger was merely a gleam in Wes Craven’s eye.

Oh My God! The milk’s gone bad!

The pre-credits sequence plays back the ending of the first movie, where Alice (Adrienne King) chops Mrs. Voorhees’ (Betsy Palmer) head off. Two months later, she is trying to get her life back together, but doesn’t get very far in that regard - Mrs. Voorhees’ head shows up in her fridge right before Jason puts an ice pick into her temple. At least he takes the whistling tea kettle off the burner. By the way, how the hell did Jason Voorhees make it out of the lake, find clothes, locate Alice’s house, prank call her, and then drag her body back to the camp? I mean, I know he’s resourceful but come on.

Hi, I’m Ralph, town doomsayer. I do make housecalls.

Fast forward five years (1984 - the future!), and a new batch of cattle show up accompanied by a practical joke played on Jeff (his truck is towed - haha!) The bear-and-rabbit joke also makes an appearance before Eddie Murphy told it in Delirious. Crazy Ralph (Walt Gorney), naturally, is on hand with his warnings of doom.

Head camp counselor Paul and his girlfriend/assistant Ginny (a spunky Amy Steel) get the bright idea of setting up a counselor training camp near Crystal Lake. Say, what do they teach you at a counselor training camp? We never find out, as Jason shows up to give his special brand of hospitality. Get the body bags.

Here’s a story… of a guy named Jason…

Victims include Ralph, who is dispatched early on while watching a makeout session (Jason doesn’t like peeping Toms). Too bad because Jason and Ralph would have made a good team - Ralph of course playing the role Steve Buscemi played in Desperado. Terri (Kirsten Baker, totally hot) goes skinny dipping by herself, gets her clothes stolen by boyfriend Scott, and then the film has her mercifully killed off screen. Scott of course, gets strung up in a trap before being shaved by Jason’s machete - in the neck area. Wheelchair-bound Mark is macheted in the face - before he even gets a chance to get laid. Total bummer.

Kingdom of magic, indeed!

Friday the 13th Part 2 is typical of Hollywood sequels - much more rushed than its predecessor. The first film attempted to establish parallels with a Biblical Armageddon, and spent a little more time with the characters before putting them six feet under, while this movie simply takes the set-em-up-and-knock-em-down route. For example, Deputy Winslow (Jack Marks) shows up to chastise Jeff and Sandra for sneaking into Camp Crystal Lake, only to be killed at Jason’s shed/home in the very next scene. Well, that’s what you get for just barging into people’s houses.

With this subprime fiasco, this beautiful country home is surprisingly affordable!

The fact is, this film is fairly routine stuff. It’s not even that gory, really. What it does have going for it is the early 80s vibe, which seems a good fit for these kinds of movies. There’s also an effective sequence where psychology major Ginny stumbles into Jason’s cabin and stalls Jason by impersonating his mom. (She simply puts on mom’s sweater.) Jason, of course, conveniently forgets that mom’s head is sitting on a table right behind her. Finally, part 2 steals certain sequences from other films - Jason hasn’t discovered hockey yet, so here they have him wearing a sack over his head with holes in it - that’s straight out of The Town That Dreaded Sundown. The famous spear-through-the-couple-having-sex moment is a nod to Mario Bava’s Bay of Blood, but it’s not as explicit.

Jason…did you get the potatoes for the stew like I asked you?

Friday the 13th Part 2 is a by-the-numbers follow-up with a decent female lead in Amy Steel but rather underwhelming otherwise. Being a bit of a hack-job from director Steve Miner (who also gave us Part 3), it’s derivative in the same sense that other followups to the first film are (like The Burning, The Final Terror, etc), and pretty much gets by on name recognition (King, Palmer, and Gorney are brought back for bit parts). It does, however, try to establish the killer’s psychological profile and play on mother-issues (Jason’s a mamma’s boy - duh - but he ain’t no Norman Bates). As Friday sequels go, I suppose you could do worse.

-Bill G

I really like the flow of the place. The corpses really bring out the colors!